Suicide – From The Other Side Of The Dirt

I’m a little mad. I gotta vent; I gotta rant. This post is me, speaking from my heart and my emotions, based on past and

on recent personal events.

Here it is:

Do you feel so much guilt that you want to put it on the ones that love you ten-fold? How is that even fair?

You may have made mistakes; that’s part of being human. The ones that love you will never have problems forgiving you for such things. Even the biggest of mistakes can be forgiven.

As unfortunate as it seems, some people can’t forgive themselves for their bad choices and mistakes, and they (selfishly) take their own lives, thinking that will make the pain finally stop…and they are not wrong. And though their pain does end, in the process, they chose, needlessly and without any resolve, to pass on all of the pain and anguish they have gone through to the ones who loved them most.

If you in the terrible position of feeling overwhelmed by guilt and shame, and you are thinking about making it end… while you consider your options, let me tell you a bit about how it feels to be one of those who loved you.

Consider a few things:

1.   What has happened, and is it reparable?  Addictions – solvable; Crimes – solvable; Heartbreak – solvable; Depression – solvable; Jobless – solvable; Fear – solvable! As a matter of fact, there is help in place for any reason and motive; suicide does not have to be the only option.

2.   Are you doing it out of anger? Remember, there is no coming back from death. Was the wrong you feel someone committed against you so bad that you want it to be a burden on them, to punish them, for the rest of their life? Maybe you think it will mean you “win” over that other person, but in actuality, you won’t be here to enjoy your victory.

3.  What happens when you are gone? Do you think the problems just go away? Well, they don’t; you have just passed them on to all of the ones closest to you. Not only that, you have left infinite numbers of questions unanswered.

 So here I ask again: has the world dealt you such a poor set of cards that you think there is only the one way out?

Let’s consider how the ones who love you will have to deal with it, right from the beginning to the end and see if this is what you want for them:

1.   Who will find you, and how will they find you? Dealing with death is not a job for your average person, as 98% of the population will never have to discover someone dead. How will they be able to deal with a memory that can never be erased from their mind?  (Personally, as I sit here writing this, I can say I have not had a proper sleep in 8 days since the last suicide in my life). Please, don’t put this on anyone; it’s just not fair!

2.    So now you are dead; all of your problems will no longer effect you… but who is next in line to take on your burdens? Is it your Mom and Dad? I don’t believe for a minute that they never tried to help you through your problems. Maybe consider that instead of letting your pride get the best of you or worrying they will think less of you. In the long run, if you choose to fight instead of succumbing to those thoughts of escape, they would see you as a hero for overcoming things. All you have to do is say “Yes, I accept your help”.  If you choose suicide instead, you have chosen to burden them with a never-ending grief of losing a child. But don’t stop with just them, this will effect any husbands, wives, children, brothers and sisters, uncles and aunts and every friend you ever had contact with, but you must know best, I am sure they deserve it, right? Let the grief eternal flow wide and free.

3.   Have you preplanned your funeral arrangements? I would expect the answer is no. Let me give you just a quick look into what will be involved. First off what will you leave the funeral team with which to work? Will they be able to rebuild what is left of you so the family will have closure? Remember dead people start to decay quickly. Who needs to be contacted? Did you leave a note? That is always a good place to start, just jot down some friends names on a piece of paper so the family knows who to contact. Don’t make them have to struggle through the brutal task of going on your Facebook page to find them - that would just be cruel. How would you want the service? You know that someone is going to have one for you. Have you left instructions with anyone? If so, please leave their name on the note also. Do you want cremation, burial, do you want to overlook a beautiful pond filled with ducks in your trouble-free lifeless state, and did you let someone know your wishes?  Have you prepaid for it all or is this just another burden your family will have to bear for you, because it will fit in well with the rest of the trauma you have inflicted on them in your death?

4.   Where will this happen? Have you chosen a nice place that will least effect the people who love you, or will you just go with what is most convenient for you? Doing it at home might be convenient for you, a great option for you, as you won’t be around to have to clean it up. The home in which you live you will likely belong to someone, and they most likely don’t have lots of extra cash sitting around for an unpredicted home renovation, but hey… not your problem now. Or you can wander out into traffic and let your personal problems become a total stranger’s also; after all everyone should get a chance to share your turmoil, right? Unfortunately one of the best options, as cruel as it is to those who love you, is to wander off and do it somewhere out of the way. Officers will surely find you at some point and there won’t be much of a clean up cost on the family. All they have to deal with is the not knowing where the hell you went for a while until they get that knock at the door nobody ever wants to get.

As you can see, I personally am not a big fan of suicide. In fact, I am super bitter about it at the moment. I know there are other ways out,  and I know there are people who will help you, and I know that as much as you may not be able to see it through the fog that fills your head, some body loves you, and somebody wants to help you right now.

Please think about the impact on those who love you. Please reconsider! Instead of passing the hurt along, let someone in who can help you through your pain and suffering. Lean on somebody. There are so many places who will even help for nothing, no money, no cost to you, that just want to give you a chance to get through it and prosper in life.

Let someone in before you go and drag everyone through this brutal process of dealing with a preventable suicide.

End of rant.